““There’s nothing more fulfilling in therapy than watching two people find each other again.”
- Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D.
Couples Counseling
Goals
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Turn Conflict into Connection.
You’re having an argument with your partner. It starts with a sink of dirty dishes, and the next thing you know, you’re talking about “that mean thing you accidentally said on December 18th, 2012 at the work holiday party.”
We all have our perpetual conflicts- those fights that happen over and over again but never seem to get resolved. Using Gottman Method tools, we will explore the deeper meanings beneath these arguments. There may not be an immediate solution, but the arguments feel very different when you understand what these issues really mean to your partner.
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Break Down Defense Mechanisms.
Most of us weren’t raised with healthy models of conflict. It’s taken centuries to build the emotional vocabulary we have now, and most of our parents probably didn’t have the internet to teach them about conflict.
We are mammals. When we feel threatened, our fight or flight system activates. Maybe you get mad and lash out. Maybe you shut down and leave the house. Maybe you criticize something you know is a soft spot for your partner. These are very human errors, and therapy will offer concrete tools to stay connected to your partner in conflict.
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Rebuild Friendship & Intimacy.
It doesn’t take long for a relationship to get stuck in autopilot. You’re pouring your energy into work, kids, outside passions, and social calendars…but forgetting to nurture your relationship. You start to take your stress out on each other, and oversee the little things you’ve always loved.
It takes active work to maintain this kind of balance. I also recognize that having the time to work on your relationship is a privilege. The methods I use offers simple tools you can work into your daily routines in under an hour each week. It’s the little things that we lose sight of in our relationship, and those are the little things we have to bring back.
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Create Shared Meaning.
Time brings change. Whether you’ve been together for one year or 30 years, you’re probably not the exact same person you were when you first met. Our visions, goals, and beliefs change over time, and they don’t always change at the same rate as our partner’s.
Using evidence-based interventions derived from over 40 years of research, we will work to figure out what is most important to this new phase of your relationship. Get to know the people you are now and build the relationship you deserve.
What to Expect in Couples Therapy
Sessions are scheduled for 90 minutes to give appropriate time for the hard work we have to do.I am fully virtual at this time, so you can do the work from the comfort of your own home. I understand that life is busy and it’s not always easy to be in the same place at the same time- if you need to join from separate locations, that’s okay too!Treatment begins with 3 intake sessions:One for you to share your story and struggles togetherOne session to meet individually for 45 minutes eachOne session to discuss my observations and develop a treatment plan.
During this time you will complete an online assessment with over 300 questions to pinpoint all of the strengths & areas for growth in your relationship. After your assessment sessions, treatment duration is different for each couple.Treatment will be focused on the relationship. I do not view any one person as the cause for a relationship problem. While there may be specific incidents that need addressed, the problem often lies in how you communicate and relate to one another.
“Happily ever after simply means that both partners are known, valued, accepted for who they are and who they are becoming. The goal is to be able to love your partner more deeply each and every year you’re together.”
— John Gottman, Ph.D.
Who can benefit from this therapy?
Couples struggling with phase of life changes- i.e. Schedule and job changes, new parenthood, empty nesters, hormonal changes, life after grief, etc.
Partners feeling stuck on the same arguments over and over and over again
Partners who feel like different people from when they met, and the relationship needs to recalibrate to these identities.
Couples with different conflict styles struggling to resolve problems- avoidant and unable to talk about anything, competitive couples who butt heads over everything, and a wide spectrum in between.
Partners who feel one person has been carrying the mental and emotional load of the family, and would like to find more balance with effective compromise.
“It isn’t so much that we want to leave the person we are with, as we want to leave the person we have become.”
- Esther Perel
Fees & Scheduling:
Payment Methods Accepted
This specialized treatment method is unfortunately not able to be billed to health insurance. Payment out of pocket is due after session has completed. See FAQs below for more information.
90 Minute Couples Sessions
$180.00 per session
Contact to Schedule a Free Consultation
Email: sheree@onward-counseling.com
Call or Text: 540-617-0100
FAQs
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This is the #1 fear about couples counseling. Individuals often feel that their partner can be more convincing, or they can’t say what they’re really feeling.
To avoid this, I use research-based interventions from the Gottman Method that are created to be neutral. We will explore power dynamics and defense mechanisms that cause partners to feel like they’re in a competition, instead of being on the same team. We also dedicate time during assessment for each partner to speak individually and share any concerns they have about the therapeutic process.
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I have a very basic understanding of the common dynamics in ethical non-monogamy, but I have not had specialized training in working with this population. As of right now, Gottman research and training has not addressed this relationship style. I am happy to consult with you to see if your relationship struggles are within my scope of practice, but you may benefit from other providers with more specialized training or lived experience.
As for non-ethical non-monogamy: We can work on recovering from an affair, but all affairs must be known and disclosed. I can help partners disclose these in our sessions together, but I cannot keep secrets for an extended period of time.
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Unfortunately I cannot provide a Superbill for this to be submitted to insurance, and I cannot bill this to insurance even if I am in-network with your plan.
For insurance to cover Couples Therapy, there must be a specific type of mental health diagnosis. This typically means that one partner is the “identified patient”, and therapy goals must be focused on how their partner can support them in their mental illness.
This is not my approach to relational therapy. The interventions used in this method specifically target the relationship between the partners. The only diagnoses appropriate for treating a relationship are what we call “z codes” and “v codes”, and unfortunately insurance does not cover these codes.
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Send me an email, call me, or text me to schedule a free consultation. We can discuss your relationship concerns, answer questions you have, and make sure you feel comfortable moving forward with me.
Email: sheree@onward-counseling.com
Phone: 540-617-0100
*Both email and phone are HIPAA-Compliant to protect your privacy.