Couples Therapy
Services
They say relationships take work, but nobody taught us what that work entails.
You’re trying to do it all- work, volunteer, support your community, raise kids, pay your bills, take care of yourself, and keep the spark in your relationship. As your chore list grows, your patience with your partner is shrinking. You’re both so tired that you have nothing left to give at the end of the day. There may have been a time when date nights existed, but even that begins to feel like another chore. As life gets busier, relationships start to lose priority. Quality time and intimacy are forced to wait because there is always something more important. Eventually that time runs out and the relationship forces itself to the top of the priority list.
You may be starting to bicker more with your partner, or bickering may be turning into full blown fights. You’re battling everyday stressors, and rather than going through them together, it’s tearing you apart. You want to appreciate your partner and remember the good times, but instead you can only see the dishes and laundry they didn’t put away. You’re growing and changing as people, and it doesn’t feel like you are growing together anymore.
Maybe you’re also starting to figure out that you partnered with a person who is your polar opposite. Your brains work differently in every way- attention to detail, love language, communication style, planning styles; some days you may wonder how you even ended up together. You love your partner immensely, but your different quirks are clashing more than ever lately.
If you want this to work, there is a way to make it work.
If you’ve landed on this page, there is a part of you that isn’t ready to give up. You and your partner want to be the best versions of yourselves, and you want the relationship to be its best version too. My focus in couples therapy is that relationship- not one partner or the other being the problem, but the relationship itself. Relationships require communication, understanding, empathy, trust, commitment, and shared meaning. Relationships require respect, and seeing the value in one another beyond everyday household chores. Relationships require conflict resolution skills that most of us weren’t taught in school.
In couples therapy we will spend time exploring all of these different layers of your relationship. Using a scientific, evidence-based treatment protocol called The Gottman Method, we will identify the specific problem areas of your relationship and tackle them head-on. We will start with a 90-minute session to get to know you as a couple, I’ll spend 45 minutes with each of you individually, and you will each complete a 300+ questionnaire to analyze the relationship and identify the most important needs. Couples therapy is not just fighting with a third person in the room. There may be some fighting, but there will also be education, direct tools, resources, skill-development, and a third person to help you hear the things your partner might not be saying out loud.
Couples Counseling
Goals
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Turn Conflict into Connection.
You’re having an argument with your partner. It starts with a sink of dirty dishes, and the next thing you know, you’re talking about “that mean thing you accidentally said on December 18th, 2012 at the work holiday party.”
We all have our perpetual conflicts- those fights that happen over and over again but never seem to get resolved. Using Gottman Method tools, we will explore the deeper meanings beneath these arguments. There may not be an immediate solution, but the arguments feel very different when you understand what these issues really mean to your partner.
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Break Down Defense Mechanisms.
Most of us weren’t raised with healthy models of conflict. It’s taken centuries to build the emotional vocabulary we have now, and most of our parents probably didn’t have the internet to teach them about conflict.
We are mammals. When we feel threatened, our fight or flight system activates. Maybe you get mad and lash out. Maybe you shut down and leave the house. Maybe you criticize something you know is a soft spot for your partner. These are very human errors, and therapy will offer concrete tools to stay connected to your partner in conflict.
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Rebuild Friendship & Intimacy.
It doesn’t take long for a relationship to get stuck in autopilot. You’re pouring your energy into work, kids, outside passions, and social calendars…but forgetting to nurture your relationship. You start to take your stress out on each other, and oversee the little things you’ve always loved.
It takes active work to maintain this kind of balance. I also recognize that having the time to work on your relationship is a privilege. The methods I use offers simple tools you can work into your daily routines in under an hour each week. It’s the little things that we lose sight of in our relationship, and those are the little things we have to bring back.
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Create Shared Meaning.
Time brings change. Whether you’ve been together for one year or 30 years, you’re probably not the exact same person you were when you first met. Our visions, goals, and beliefs change over time, and they don’t always change at the same rate as our partner’s.
Using evidence-based interventions derived from over 40 years of research, we will work to figure out what is most important to this new phase of your relationship. Get to know the people you are now and build the relationship you deserve.
“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”
– Albert Einstein
Misunderstanding is the root of so many relationship problems. Many of my clients struggle with understanding because of their unique neurodiversity; their brains are simply speaking two different languages. Many struggle because they weren’t raised by great communicators and are now continuing the same patterns they were raised with. Some are trying to do things differently, but don’t know where or how to start. Many people are just hurting, and don’t know how to share that without yelling, defensiveness, and resentment.
Whatever problems may be burdening your relationship, my goal is to help you understand and tackle them together. Using research-based tools I will help you work through conflict while keeping each other regulated and supported. You will rebuild your “love maps” and get to know each other as the adults you are now. You will practice communication skills like you are learning a new language, and you may learn things about your partner that you never knew.
“Happily ever after simply means that both partners are known, valued, accepted for who they are and who they are becoming. The goal is to be able to love your partner more deeply each and every year you’re together.”
— John Gottman, Ph.D.
Who can benefit from this therapy?
Couples struggling with phase of life changes- i.e. Schedule and job changes, new parenthood, empty nesters, hormonal changes, life after grief, etc.
Neurodivergent partners
Partners feeling stuck on the same arguments over and over and over again
Partners who feel like different people from when they met, and the relationship needs to recalibrate to these identities.
Couples with different conflict styles struggling to resolve problems.
Partners who feel one person has been carrying the mental and emotional load, and would like to find more balance with effective compromise.
Fees
&
Scheduling
Payment Methods Accepted
This specialized treatment method is not able to be billed to health insurance. Payment out of pocket is due after session has completed. See FAQs below for more information.
90-Minute Couples Sessions
$180.00per session
Contact to Schedule a Free Consultation
Email: sheree@onward-counseling.com
Call or Text: 540-617-0100
FAQs
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This is the #1 fear about couples counseling. Individuals often feel that their partner can be more convincing, or they can’t say what they’re really feeling.
To avoid this, I use research-based interventions from the Gottman Method that are created to be neutral. We will explore power dynamics and defense mechanisms that cause partners to feel like they’re in a competition, instead of being on the same team. We also dedicate time during assessment for each partner to speak individually and share any concerns they have about the therapeutic process.
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I have a very basic understanding of the common dynamics in ethical non-monogamy, but I have not had specialized training in working with this population. I am happy to consult with you to see if your relationship struggles are within my scope of practice, but you may benefit from other providers with more specialized training or lived experience.
As for non-ethical non-monogamy: We can work on recovering from an affair, but all affairs must be known and disclosed. I can help partners disclose these in our sessions together, but I cannot keep secrets for an extended period of time.
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Unfortunately I cannot provide a Superbill for this to be submitted to insurance, and I cannot bill this to insurance even if I am in-network with your plan.
For insurance to cover Couples Therapy, there must be a specific type of mental health diagnosis. This typically means that one partner is the “identified patient”, and therapy goals must be focused on how their partner can support them in their mental illness.
This is not my approach to relational therapy. The interventions used in this method specifically target the relationship between the partners. The only diagnoses appropriate for treating a relationship are what we call “z codes” and “v codes”, and unfortunately insurance does not cover these codes.
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Send me an email, call me, or text me to schedule a free consultation. We can discuss your relationship concerns, answer questions you have, and make sure you feel comfortable moving forward with me.
Email: sheree@onward-counseling.com
Phone: 540-617-0100
*Both email and phone are HIPAA-Compliant to protect your privacy.